Category: Life

Surrealistic Westerns

If you are anything like me, you are tired of turning on the news and hearing about how chaotic the world is becoming. My last few posts have been on the more serious side. Therefore, I thought I’d lighten the mood today and share a short story I wrote several years ago. All of the names have been omitted to protect the innocent. What follows is a slightly modified version of the original story. All of the details are true.

The last few days have been pretty surreal. I came home sick with the flu on Thursday. My stomach was so upset. It felt as if someone had been twisting my intestines into knots. I slept for about 17 hours off and on between Thursday afternoon and into Friday morning.

Most of the day Friday was spent in front of the television, although I did venture out to the store once. Who knew going to the store took so much strength? Once I got back home I felt like I had just made my way up Mt. Kilimanjaro. I definitely was in need of more rest.

I then woke up Saturday morning and did what most people would do after nearly dying from the flu. I went to a funeral. The grandmother of one of my closest friends had passed away. His grandmother’s dog was in attendance, which I found rather touching. My friend’s uncle did not dissapoint either, as he was dressed in blue jeans that he was having trouble keeping up above his waist. This particular uncle is known for wearing blue jeans to most functions. In fact, he often sports a pair of blue jean cutoffs while out and about.

After the service at the funeral home was over, I attended the graveside service, which unbeknownst to me, was in a town about 15 miles from home. So, I joined the funeral procession as it snaked its way across two towns. On the way some tumbleweed came blowing across the street, which is a rare sight in this area. It made me feel as if I was in a Spaghetti Western. The only thing missing was Clint Eastwood chomping on a cigar. Eventually, we made it to the gravesite, where we stayed for no more than five minutes. It was a magical, mystery funeral, that is the only way to describe this event.

After the funeral was over I broke out in a cold sweat because the flu still had its hellacious grip on my body. So I did what all people in my condition would have done, I went and had the oil changed in my car.

I then came home and had a long talk with the guy who had been fixing my computer, as it had become infected with a virus. He was there to deliver it to me. With my computer and I on the mend, I was feeling deliriously happy. On second thought, I might have just been plain delirious. After the computer repairman left I went outside to clean up the yard.

As I was outside picking up twigs, I looked up only to see an umbrella blowing down the road. I once again felt like I was trapped inside a Western film. One based on a painting by the Belgian Surrealist artist Magritte. I would have much preffered more tumbleweed. At least that would have been more in keeping with the theme of the rest of this influenza fueled weekend.

1

An Open Letter to an Absent Parent

You gave birth to a sweet baby boy, however, your selfishness has kept you from him. In a few days he turns 5 months old. He has begun to smile, laugh, and chatter. He is slowly learning how to roll over. You are missing this because you cannot move past the stumbling blocks in your life. In a sense this infuriates me. In another it makes me hurt for you. However, it makes me hurt most for the precious life you brought into this world.

This baby boy is growing up in a home where he is loved. He is taken care of by two parents who are raising a child for the first time. I am sure we are making mistakes, and will in the future. However, you made the biggest mistake by letting this beautiful boy slip through your fingers. It angers me that you were allowed to have children, while my wife and I were not. Life is not fair, which is something your child will learn as he grows and matures.

I know life certainly must seem unfair to you. I am sure you have seen your share of hardship. You certainly have experienced hurt and heartache along the way, as every person has. I pray that you find healing. Likewise, I pray for the baby boy that you unwittingly gifted us with. Even if he is not our’s to keep forever, he has brought us so much joy in the few short months he has been a part of our lives.

Each month that you stall out on your legal obligations, you fill my wife and I with yet more uncertainty. Will we get to keep this little boy? Are we going to lose him after growing to love him like he was our own? These are questions that play over and over again in my mind. His young mind is beginning to see us as his parents. Are you going to take him back when he is just a stranger to you? How much will that destroy his psyche?

My wife and I knew what we were getting ourselves into when we took your child into our home. We welcomed him with open arms. We have fed him, bathed him, clothed him, and we have dried his tears when he has cried. Most of all we have loved him and nurtured him in an environment where he is thriving. You are missing out because you cannot see past your own wants and desires. I empathize with your plight. However, that does nothing to quell the anger I feel towards you. I pray that God will work on my heart to look past this anger. Likewise, I pray that He will give me a heart of forgiveness and love.

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My “Anti-Bucket” List

Last April I wrote a post listing the “Top Ten Things I’d Like to do Before I Die.” This list included places I’d like to visit, events that I would like to attend, and so forth. Today I am going to turn things around and do an “anti-bucket list” or things I hope I never have to do again before I die.

There are certain foods that I despise. Near the top of this list are lima beans. To me they taste like soap. Plus, their texture is unpleasant. Therefore, I will never have another lima bean as long as I live!

Over the course of my life I have undergone at least 30 different surgical procedures. Being put under for surgery is not an unpleasant experience. I do enjoy the feeling of euphoria that comes over you just before “the lights go out.” However, as I have gotten older it has taken me longer to bounce back after surgery. It is because of this that I hope to never have another surgery.

One thing that does not fill me with euphoria is riding a rollercoaster. I actually am terrified of going on most amusement park rides. I prefer to have my feet planted on terra firma. I would be happy never to ride another roller coaster as long as I live.

In keeping with the amusement park theme, I hope to never go to Disney World ever again. I went for the first time at the age of 30. Perhaps, it is a different experience if you go when you are a child. It may seem more magical then. However, I didn’t find anything appealing at all to being at Disney World.

Me on the “Small World” ride at Disney World. I think my face says it all.

A few years ago I went on a canoe trip on the Meramec River in Missouri. I have written about this experience in a previous post. It was quite possibly the last trip of this kind that I will take. If you do go back and read both parts of this story, you’ll see why. I not only lost my crutches and glasses, but I lost some of my dignity as well.

One thing that I have experienced a couple of different times is food poisoning. I can safely say I hope this never happens again. There is nothing pleasant about eating something that makes you ill. I can no longer eat at couple of different restaurants due to very bad experiences.

Nearly three years ago Amanda and I had an issue with the plumbing in our house. I will admit it was caused by me. I had gotten into the habit of flushing little bits of clumping cat litter down the toilet as I cleaned out the litter box for our cats. Needless to say this was not a wise idea. Fortunately, I have a cousin or two in the plumbing business, as our sewer line backed up into our house. I learned my lesson and I hope to never have to live through this experience again.

As noted above, I have had numerous surgeries in my life. Many of these have been orthopedic in nature. I spent the first few years of my life in and out of body casts. There is nothing worse than being confined inside a hunk of plaster, especially when you are hot and tired. This is an experience I would prefer to never have again.

Me propped up against a chair in one of the many body casts I was in as a child. My brother Cory is looking on in amusement as I see just how wide I can open my mouth.

We are fortunate here in America to have public restrooms in almost every store and restaurant. If you’ve ever traveled abroad you’ll soon find out that in other parts of the world public toilets are not so common. I learned this the hard way one night in London as I really was in dire need. While I do love to travel, I hope to never again have the trouble I did that night.

Finally, I have spent the last two months working from home. In that time I have begun having conversations with myself while Amanda is at work. I am ready for restaurants, movie theaters, and other public places to once again be open. Never again do I want to experience a global pandemic. In the words of the late, great Jerry Stiller, who played Frank Costanza on Seinfeld, “Serenity Now!”

1

Richard Scarry

Ever since I was a little boy I have loved Richard Scarry books. Thankfully, I have been able to revisit a few of my favorite Richard Scarry books since Baby Boy has become a part of our family. In addition, I have found a few with which I am not familiar. For instance there is one called the “The Bunny Book.” If you have never read this one, it is about a baby bunny whose family all have different hopes and dreams for their baby bunny once he grows up and becomes an adult.

As I have read this several times now, I have begun to question some of the aspirations Baby Bunny’s family has for him. For instance, Daddy Bunny wants him to be a circus clown? Really, who wishes this for their child? The Grandaddy Bunny wants Baby Bunny to be a lion tamer? Again, I am not sure this is great line of work for anyone. Finally, Aunt Bunny wants Baby Bunny to be a lifeguard. Low-paying, seasonal work is kind of an odd choice, at least in my opinion.

It seems the only sensible people in this story are Baby Bunny’s siblings and cousins. For example, Little Bunny Cousin wants Baby Bunny to be an entrepreneur who owns his own candy store. Likewise, Little Girl Cousin wants Baby Bunny to be a doctor. Moreover, Little Sister Bunny wants Baby Bunny to be a pilot.

This Bunny Family needs to sit down and have a frank discussion about Baby Bunny’s future. However, Baby Bunny does have his priorities in the right place, as he wants to be a Daddy Bunny.

Let’s get this bunny a good guidance counselor and/or mentor who can steer him into a profitable profession. Because, if he is going to raise a big family, he is going to need to bring home the carrots.

Richard Scarry, I love your books. However, I’d like a follow up to the “The Bunny Book.” Does Baby Bunny become a lifeguard on the beaches of Malibu, or does he become a heart surgeon with a thriving practice in Scarsdale? Please tell me he is not working in Vegas as a lion tamer. That would just be disappointing. Let’s just hope whatever he is doing now is fulfilling. Richard, I will be waiting to see what happens.

No one writes them like Richard Scarry.
1

My Mother

On this Mother’s Day I wanted to share with you what my mother means to me. There are so many things that I could say about my mom. However, the most important thing that I can say is that I love her. She is a special woman who has taught me some very valuable lessons.

First, my mother lost her husband when she was 41 years old. She was left with 3 boys to raise on her own. My oldest brother was 17, at the time, my other brother was just about to turn 16, and I was 12. My father, being the excellent provider that he was, left our family with little debt when he passed away. However, my mother was working as a teacher at a small, private school and making very little money at the time.

Despite this, she provided a home for my brothers and I where we were loved. We also had most of the material things that other kids our age had. I do not know how she was able to keep our family together after experiencing such a devastating loss. My mother’s strength in the face of despair is something I will always admire.

Likewise, my mother’s faith in God never wavered after she lost the love of her life. She could have chosen to be bitter, but I never remember my mother giving into those types of emotions. She continued to give to others even when she had very little to give. I think this is something she learned from her mother, who was also a very giving woman. She always had time for my brothers and I when we needed it.

Several years after my dad passed away, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. However, being the woman of faith that she is, she never asked “why me?” She simply relied on her faith to see her through yet another hardship. Even through chemotherapy treatments that weakened her body and made her dreadfully ill, she never wavered in her faith. She just trusted that God would see her through the pain and anguish. He did bring her through that struggle.

Today, my mother is still working. She is a librarian at the local library. She is still giving her time and talents to the community. Likewise, she is still involved in her church. She too remains dedicated to her family. It has been over 30 years since my dad has been gone. In that time my brothers and I have all gotten married and are raising families of our own.

My mom was the rutter that steered the ship for our family after my dad died. She helped my brothers and I to stay grounded. I will admit my teen years were not easy ones. However, I knew I could always go to my mom with any problem.

One thing that both of my parents told my brothers and I when we were young is that we would never be able to do anything that would make them stop loving us. We were also taught by my dad to respect our mother. I know I have let my mother down many times, but I know she will always love me.

My mother is one in a million. She has been faithful to her God through so many trials. Likewise, she has remained a person that loves her family. It is comforting to know I can still go to her for advice when needed. Her experiences in life have given her wisdom that she is more than willing to share. Happy Mother’s Day mom, I love you!

4

Be Still

One thing that I have enjoyed while working from home is having the blinds open in the room where my computer is stationed. We have quite a variety of birds that live in our neighborhood. I have seen cardinals, blue jays, robins, and wrens, just to name a few. It is quite peaceful to sit and listen to the songs of these various birds. Before the world stopped, I rarely took time to enjoy the small things.

I’m used to having a podcast playing on my phone, or the sound of music from a radio. I think I have become accustomed to always having noise on in the background due to a problem I have with my left ear. I was diagnosed with something called Meniere’s Disease several years ago. This disease affects your inner ear and can lead to a range of symptoms, such as vertigo and hearing loss. As a result of the disease I have very poor hearing in my left ear. The one thing that I do hear in my left ear is my pulse. I have learned to live with this “annoyance.” However, it can be extremely difficult, especially if my pulse quickens for any reason. Having noise on in the background helps to drown out the constant pulsating in my ear.

The last few weeks I have tried to turn off the “artificial” noises during the day. This has allowed me to focus on things that are coming from the outside, such as the birds, as I noted above. I also can hear the wind blowing through the trees. Likewise, I can hear myself breathe. Yes, there is that constant pulsing as well. However, it is not as prevalent when I am focusing on the natural sounds coming from the world around me.

As I said above, the world has stopped. In many ways this is true. There are many people who have lost their jobs, there are those who have lost loved ones. Likewise, there are those that have lost their peace of mind.

I for one have struggled to stay positive as the world seems to have fallen into despair. Despite all of these things, I know there is peace to be found. God is there in the midst of the chaos. You may not believe that, which is your choice. However, I know He is because I hear it in the creatures that He made. Those birds outside my window are a reminder to me to be still. If God is concerned about even the smallest of creatures like a sparrow, He certainly cares for you as well.

If you haven’t taken time lately to be silent and listen to the birds, or to the wind, or to the sound of rain hitting the ground, just stop. Life is too important to ignore these “small” things. It is in these sounds that we can be reminded to be still and know that there is a God who loves us and is in control, even when life seems hopeless.

3

A Walk in the Park

Today was a walk in the park. After weeks of isolation, we finally broke free. Amanda and I took Baby Boy to the park for the first time. It was energizing to feel the warmth of the sunshine. Likewise, feeling the breeze blowing was so refreshing.

Baby Boy has been a part of our lives now for four months. On that cold, December day when he came to us he weighed just under six pounds. Today he is nearly seventeen pounds. It has been a joy to watch him discover new things. He has become so much more aware of the world around him. Fortunately, he is such a happy baby. His smile lights up a room. He makes me laugh on a daily basis.

With each new day comes an equally new sound from his mouth. I think he has even thrown a “mama” or two in there at times. However, Amanda is not convinced that is what he is truly saying. Baby Boy and I know better though. I have been working on other words with him, but he mostly just looks at me and giggles, which is perfectly fine with me. His laugh is infectious.

Today at the park Baby Boy put his bare feet in the grass for the first time. I feel so fortunate that Amanda and I get to experience these “firsts” in this precious child’s life. It is fun to see him become more curious about the things he sees and hears. He loves silly noises and seems to enjoy music, especially when we sing to him.

It is a privilege to be able to help shape this young life with which we have been entrusted. Both Amanda and I were blessed to have good parenting while we were growing and maturing. The lessons we learned as children will be invaluable as we guide Baby Boy through more “firsts” in his life.

I know not every day will be “a walk in the park,” as today was. However, life is so much more full with Baby Boy. I am curious to see what twists and turns lie ahead. The world is full of uncertainty, however, the three of us are enjoying doing life together.

2

Gimme Some Truth

Something that has bothered me for quite some time now is the term “fake news.” This is not a term coined by President Trump, as some might think. It goes all the way back to the late 19th century. The writer and philosopher George Santayana once said, “Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it.” We are now repeating the events that occurred over 100 years ago.

In the late 1890’s those in the newspaper business were interested in only one thing, selling newspapers. In particular, Joseph Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst were in a cutthroat competition to see who could snag the most readers. To do this they would resort to what was called “yellow journalism.” Today we would call this “fake news.”

Pulitzer and Hearst were out to grab the attention of their readers. To do this, they would often print articles sensationalizing even the most mundane news of the day. Their only goal was to line their already deep pockets and to further build their media empires. Neither man cared who they hurt in the process, or how many lies were spread. Does this sound familiar yet?

Just this morning I was looking for news on Kim Jong Un, the leader of North Korea, who by some accounts has died. Then again he might just be vacationing in a resort town in North Korea, as his train has supposedly been spotted there. Better yet, he might be there for medical treatment. All of these “theories” were gleaned from just one particular article. No concrete evidence was ever presented. However, that doesn’t seem to matter anymore. The only thing that matters is that “we reported it first!” This is precisely the problem.

In the scramble for a news agency to be first to report something, they think it is okay to rely on “hearsay.” This is no more reliable than the old game known as “Telephone,” which many of us played as schoolchildren. In this game one person starts by whispering a message in one person’s ear, that person then tries to whisper the exact same message to the next person, and so on. By the time the message gets to the last person it rarely reflects the original one. So it is with today’s news coverage.

Often things are taken out of context, which is meant to make someone look foolish. Facts are not checked, all because it is a race to see who can get the “word” out first. Liewise, things are reported that are simply not true. These “facts” are then spread all over social media and people take it as “gospel.” Moreover, depending on what outlet you are listening to, you are getting their “spin” on the news.

One particular network may promote a more conservative agenda, while another has a more liberal slant. It is shameful that we live in a world where facts are subjective depending upon your political point of view.

The great American author and humorist Mark Twain once said, “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.” Apparently, journalists today are taking Twain’s advice and running with it. This leads us with very few, if any, reliable sources to trust. That is why it is important to be discerning and to seek out various sources, instead of just relying on one in partucular.

It is frustrating to me that during these times of uncertainty across the world, that we are often left with more questions than answers. In the words of John Lennon, “All I want is the truth, just give me some truth.”

2

8-Track Flashback

One of the fondest memories that I have of my dad is riding around in his truck with him and my brothers. He had an 8-track player in his truck. It was through that 8-track player that I was introduced to much of the music that I still love today. My dad’s taste in music varied. He enjoyed everything from Motown to the Beatles to Southern Gospel.

As I write this I am listening to an old gospel song called, “Is That the Old Ship of Zion,” performed by the Southern Gospel group called the Kingsmen Quartet. When I hear this song I can’t help but think of my dad, as it was one of his favorites. So it is with many of the songs that I have in my iTunes library. For instance, I cannot help but think of those rides in my dad’s truck when I hear a song by Hall and Oates or Foreigner, as those were in heavy rotation during those trips.

It is because of my dad that I have a fondness for Motown as well. I love The Temptations, Smokey Robinson, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, and The Supremes. This music is timeless to me. It is some of the music that I have started to introduce Baby Boy to after we read at night. I can tell he enjoys music already.

As a student of history, I have always had a desire to go deeper and examine how things began. It is this curiosity that led me to explore the origins of the music I heard on those rides in my dad’s truck. Ultimately, that journey led me to discover the blues. There I found musicians like Robert Johnson, Muddy Waters, Howlin’ Wolf, Buddy Guy, and B.B. King. It was the music created by these men that gave rise to much of the music that I discovered as a teenager. This is the music that I still love today.

Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Pink Floyd, all were influenced by the blues. Music is still something that lifts my spirits, and helps me to escape the troubles of the day. One cannot help but feel better after listening to a song like “If I Fell” by the Beatles. In my opinion no group ever harmonized better than the Beatles. Plus, no other duo could write a song quite like Lennon and McCartney.

I thank my dad for instilling a love of music within me. I hope to pass that same love on to Baby Boy. I will be curious to see where it takes him. He might just introduce me to some new things. One thing is certain, I’ll never forget that 8-track player and the music it introduced me to all those years ago.

2

Roll The Credits!

What movie is this in which I am starring? Where are the cameras? When is the director going to yell, “cut!”? These are questions I ask myself on an almost daily basis now. It feels like life has become the script of an M. Night Shyamalan movie. I am just waiting for the plot twist. I hope I don’t wake up some day and find out we are all being held hostage as part of some psychological experiment conducted by the CIA. Who doesn’t love a good conspiracy theory?

When you work from home it seems as if every day is the same. It definitely feels very similar to the film “Groundhog Day.” The one where Bill Murray wakes up each day only to relive the same day over and over again. That has become my life. It is often difficult to distinguish one day from the next. Did I clean out the litter box on Monday, or was it Wednesday?

I think the cats are beginning to wonder if I am going to be a permanent fixture at home. They often come into my “office” and look at me as if to say, “you’re still here?” Then they return to chasing each other around the house, or climb up in a sunny windowsill and fall asleep.

The one benefit of staying in is that I don’t have to pick out my clothes each day. The only choice is what Cubs t-shirt to wear. I have one for just about every day of the week. However, if anyone in the Cubs organization is reading this, I could always use a few more.

Despite my desire for more Cubs paraphernalia, life is pretty good. However, I am ready for the director of this bizarre film in which I am starring to yell “cut!” I’d like to be able to watch some baseball. I’d also enjoy going into a restaurant to have a meal, or go into a store where no one is wearing a mask.

Until the end credits roll, Amanda, Baby Boy, and I will be all right. We have a nice routine. Baby Boy comes home from daycare, he has a bottle, a diaper change, and some cuddles. Amanda and I will then have dinner. We’ll watch TV and then it is usually time to read and sing to Baby Boy. Reading and singing at night is something we all enjoy. It is the one part of this movie that I could watch over and over again. It is his smile that makes it all worthwhile.

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