Tag: foster care

Hopes

Baby Boy is a month old today. He is growing and becoming more aware of his surroundings every day. He is still ours and it is fun to see him grow out of clothes that fit him just a few weeks ago. Clothes he was once “swimming in” fit him just perfectly now. He is such a long, little boy. He uses those long legs to his advantage during a diaper change.

It is still difficult to imagine that one day he may be taken from us. This realization becomes harder to accept with each passing day. Amanda and I are his parents. We feed him, we clothe him, and we love him like he is our own.

Baby Boy and I have some good weekend “chats” as he lays on my chest in the morning. Of course, I am the one doing all of the talking. He just coos, grunts, and puckers his lips as he listens. I hope we can continue these “chats” for quite some time, as they help me relieve stresses of the week. Baby Boy is a good listener.

In those quiet moments of the morning he and I sometimes listen to music. He will be a Beatles fan some day, he just doesn’t know it yet. I think I’ll wait to introduce him to other favorites of mine later. Listening to Jimi Hendrix in the morning may not be as calming as the acoustic renderings of John, Paul, George, and Ringo.

Hopefully, Baby Boy is still here once baseball begins. There would be nothing better than introducing him to a game that I love. While I am not holding out much hope for the Cubs this coming season, it is always a joy to see Wrigley Field on the television. It would be a thrill to be able to take him to his first game there. The sights, sounds, and smells would have us both enthralled.

Amanda and I still have no idea how long Baby Boy will be with us. It could be a few days, a month, a year, or even longer. In the month that he has been, he has already left his fingerprints on our hearts. Our hope is that he is ours for a long time to come, but we know that may not be the case. In the meantime, he is ours to love, to teach, and to guide. God give us the strength to do all of those things.

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Baby Boy

It is just past 2:00 a.m. as I write this. My thoughts cannot help but turn to how infuriating life can be at times. It is simply unfair. I just got done feeding Baby Boy. That is what I will call our foster child, as I will never divulge his name on this blog.

I am angry with this precious child’s biological parents. They are missing out on seeing him develop and grow. Amanda and I have had Baby Boy for nearly two weeks. In that time he has become more aware of his surroundings, he has begun to show pieces of his personality, and he has brought us happiness.

As I look into this baby’s beautiful eyes it infuriates me that there are people who seem to have no struggle at all bearing children. Amanda and I are unable to have a baby of our own. So, why is it so easy for people who seemingly couldn’t care less about the children they bring into this world? It is unfair! It is painful to know that baby boy may go back to parents who lack the ability to provide the things that he needs. We want to be those people in his life.

In the time we have had this child, we have grown to love him as if he was our flesh and blood. He is a sweet baby who has given us a desire to learn all that we can to be the best parents for him, even if it is just for a short time.

It is so difficult to wish for Baby Boy to be reunited with his parents. We don’t know them, but it is heartbreaking to think that this child whom we love will be given back to parents who may not give him the same love and support he needs to grow into a healthy adult. Life is unfair, especially for this little boy who needs two parents to raise him in a loving, caring environment.

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The Perfect Gift

It will be a week ago tomorrow that the call came. It was a call that would change our lives forever. We were in St. Louis visiting Amanda’s family for Christmas. It was so unexpected, however, it was something we have been waiting to hear for months.

The social worker on the line told us we would be getting our first placement as foster parents. Amanda and I never dreamed that we would be getting a newborn as our first placement. In fact, we had heard that it was such a longshot that we had prepared only to receive older children. However, God had other plans for us.

Last Friday evening we were told to make way for a day-old baby boy who had been born a month premature. Thruthfully, I think both Amanda and I were terrified. We have never been parents before. However, we now had two days to prepare for the arrival of the new life. Usually, people have 9 months. We had 48 hours! Fortunately, we have a wonderful support network of family and friends who have stepped up and provided many of the things we’d needed to take care of this precious new life.

After getting the phone call, Amanda and I decided we’d head home from St. Louis. However, that was not before Amanda’s mom and sister took us to Target for an improptu shopping spree. My only thought the whole time we were there was, “I know how to take care of my needs, but I have no idea how to take care of a newborn!” Reality was beginning to settle in. We were now going to be caring for another human being!

We had no information about the baby before we went shopping, other than he was a boy. Therefore, we did our best picking out clothes, diapers, and other items we would need. Once we were loaded up, Amanda and I made a late-night trip back home from St. Louis. The following day was spent preparing our home to welcome this new baby boy.

We also had friends from church stop by to drop off items for the baby. Family came as well to bring things to help us. The outpouring of love and support from church and family has been a blessing.

As foster parents we are not allowed to divulge much information about this tiny boy who has come to capture our hearts. He is a perfectly healthy baby who has already brought lots of joy and laughter to our lives. There have been many hilarious moments in just a few short days. For instance, the baby was circumcised before he left the hospital, which led Amanda to note his “penis looks angry.” Being a huge fan of bathroom humor this only made me laugh.

Being foster parents your heart goes out to the biological parents. They have had their child removed from their care. Despite what we make think of these people, it still makes us empathize with how they must be hurting. However, it is such a great feeling to know Amanda and I can provide a safe place for this little boy. He has only been with us since Sunday afternoon, but he is already loved so much. We both love holding this new life in our hands. It is impossible not be thankful for being given the opportunity to care for this defenseless little boy.

We are getting a routine down. Feedings are becoming easier, sleep deprivation is starting to feel normal, and being peed and pooped on is no big deal. In fact, I have been quite inpressed with this little guy’s skills to shoot poop around the room. We have learned quite quickly to use a shield when changing diapers.

Amanda and I do not know for sure how long we will have this baby boy, but we hope it is for a while. He already means so much to us. He will be loved and cared for as long as he is with us. He is a gift that came to us at Christmas. This baby boy is the greatest gift we could have received.

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“Call 911 and Get Me an IED!”

I was awake at 4:30 this morning. I don’t know if it was the excitement of having to sit through a long day of training, or the fact that Amanda had rolled over to my side of the bed and was squeezing me out of my space. Whatever it was, I knew it was going to be a long day. However, it was also a good day, despite having to sit through a six-hour class on child/adult CPR and first aid. This was one of the last hurdles that Amanda and I had to jump over before we become certified for foster care. Therefore, once the class ended it was a great feeling. Just one background check to complete and one more home visit to go and we should have our certification!

Initially, I was under the impression that today’s class was going to run from 8 a.m. to noon. So, with that in mind I thought it would be a piece of cake. Four hours would go by quickly and we’d be free to enjoy the rest of the day. Our class was about an hour away from home, so we left at 6:45 this morning. That left us plenty of time to get to the hospital where our was class was being held. This is good because once we arrived I needed to use the restroom, where I proceeded to overflow the toilet. This is a specialty of mine. I have overflowed toilets from London to Rock Island, Illinois. Unfortunately, there was no custodian around to notify, which was probably just as well since I was now running late to get to class.

To my relief, Amanda met me in the hallway once I left the bathroom, since I had no idea where I needed to go for our class. Showing up fashionably late is not something I enjoy, as I always feel all eyes are on the stragglers. However, class had not started yet, so we made our way to the front row. Two things I love, being late and sitting in the front row! Once we got situated class was underway.

The first topic was CPR. This part of the class moved rather quickly, as there were lots of activities involving mannequins. It made me feel as if we were recreating an episode of one of my favorite television shows, The Office. In this particular episode things go horrifically wrong as the staff undergoes CPR training. If you are unfamiliar with this show I’d suggest finding it on Netflix and watching the two-part episode called, “Stress Relief” from season five. Fortunately, no mannequins were injured during today’s class, except for the one the instructor dropped on its head at least three or four times. This woman is also a volunteer EMT. I am hoping she never has to come to my aide in an emergency situation.

The CPR portion of the class was over by 10:30, which had me thinking, “yes, only another hour and a half to go and we’d be done!” Oh, was I sadly mistaken. As it turns out, class was not scheduled to be over until 2 p.m. I am actually glad that I did not know this until class had already started. Despite this devastating bit of news, Amanda and I made the best of it, as we learned all about first aid. We actually did learn quite a lot. For instance, in any emergency situation one must first “check the scene for safety” before stopping to help an injured person. This to me makes perfect sense, especially if electrical lines are down.

Then, you should always direct someone to “call 911” while someone else should “go grab an Automated External Defibrillator or AED.” I think after running through several different emergency scenarios I was beginning to get delirious, or perhaps I was just really ready to go home. For instance, as we were practicing proper emergency procedures for someone who is having an allergic reaction I instructed Amanda to “call 911” and “then go find me an IED, instead of an AED.” I am glad the instructor didn’t hear me, otherwise, she might have thought I was asking for some explosives, as IED actually stands for “Improvised Explosive Device.” Again, it was getting late and I was ready to go home after running through what seemed like every emergency situation one could ever possibly face!

However, then came instructions on what to do if bitten by a venomous creature. This led to what seemed like an hour-long discussion on the difference between being bitten by a rattlesnake and a coral snake, followed by what to do if you ever encounter a poisonous tree frog, you know the kind that can excrete toxins directly from its skin. By this point I was actually hoping for a coral snake to crawl up my leg and just start going to town on my thigh. Apparently, the way they deliver their venom is by gnawing on you for a bit. In the end, I learned that rattlesnakes are probably more deadly, as they can just clamp onto you while the coral snake has to actually do some work before it kills you.

All of the questions regarding poisonous reptiles and amphibians were asked by one particular person in the back of the room. I think perhaps she would have been content to stay all day and discuss the stings and bites of various animals. I say this because after we finished discussing snakes and frogs we moved on to jellyfish. Strangely, I knew where her line of questioning was going as she inquired about there “being any truth to the rumor that human urine” is effective in taking the pain out of the sting of a jellyfish. Fortunately, this ended the discussion on all things poisonous when the instructor stated that “urine is indeed useful in relieving the pain of a jellyfish sting.”

In conclusion, I do not want you to think that I am making light of all the useful things that we learned today. Much of the information was very important. It will be helpful to have this knowledge if we are ever faced with a situation in which someone needs CPR or first aid. Likewise, going through this class got us one step closer to our goal of becoming foster parents. However, I can safely say that after today, we will never be going for a hike in the woods. We will have an AED with us at all times, and we will never be visiting the tropics. Finally, if I am ever stung by a jellyfish, just back off and leave me alone. I’ll go find some vinegar, or some meat tenderizer, as that apparently aids in pain relief as well. For now I am off to work on putting together a first aid kit. Where did I put that tourniquet?

https://youtu.be/ssIY8NYwvh4

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Take a Sad Song and Make it Better.

Adapting to change is usually a difficult process. We often like to stay in our comfort zone. That way we don’t have to take any unnecessary risks or encounter difficulties that might prove inconvenient for us. Personally, I have always been a person who is perfectly content to maintain the status quo. Perhaps, this is out of fear. I don’t always enjoy letting others into my inner sanctum. You could say I am like Superman and his Fortress of Solitude. However, I am not a “man of steel.” I have doubts, fears, and insecurities. I have let these hold me back from experiencing many of the things life has to offer. This was especially true when I was younger.

When I was a teenager, girls were my kryptonite. I was perfectly fine hiding behind the walls of my fortress. If I didn’t take any chances then there was no opportunity to get hurt. I approached many of my relationships like this as I grew into adulthood. I’d only let people in so far, never letting them see the real me. I think for a long time I wasn’t even sure who the “real me” was. However, as I reached my 20’s I began to feel like a change needed to occur. I was tired of hiding.

I’ve always enjoyed the music of Pink Floyd. As an angst-ridden teen I could relate to the lyrics of many of their songs. There is a line in a song from their album The Wall that seemed to fit my life perfectly. The name of the song is called “Waiting for the Worms.” The line is: “In perfect isolation here behind my wall.” That is how I often felt as a teen. I was putting walls up around myself so that I’d never have to take risks. Risks, after all, might lead to heartbreak. Therefore, The Wall became the soundtrack for my teenage years. With its themes of abandonment and isolation I felt it perfectly described who I was at the time.

However, no one can truly live their life in such a way and be happy. I realized this after about a year of counseling, which I went through in my early twenties. I had a counselor who helped me to see that it was okay to let others in to my life. The walls could come down. I no longer had to seek out “perfect isolation.” It was okay to be me.

With this new found freedom, I began to open up to new experiences. I even began to date. This is something that I thought I’d never do. For, I used to ask myself “who would want to date a man who walked with crutches, and had other physical challenges?” Fortunately, this was only a misconception. I did find that there were people that wanted to be my friend, and there were even ladies who wanted to date me. I even found one that said “yes” when I asked her to marry me!

I have been married to Amanda for 7 years now. There are times when I still want to hide behind some walls. However, I think we are all like that at times. Together, Amanda and I are about to break down a huge wall. We will soon be foster parents. As I type this tonight, we are getting bedrooms ready to welcome children who need love and support. We are both ready for this challenge.

In the coming days and weeks, bunk beds will be assembled, walls will be painted, and Amanda will pass her FBI background check, at least we hope! The next few months will be all about breaking down walls. I am sure there will be children who will come through our door feeling much the same way I did as a young person. I think maybe we’ll put The Wall away in the closet and pull out some Beatles music instead. After all, it is time to “take a sad song and make it better.” For those who missed that reference, stop reading this and go listen to the song “Hey Jude.” On second thought just stay right here, sit back and watch the video below.

Fasten Your Seatbelts, It’s Going to be a Bumpy Ride!

A common problem for those who were born with spina bifida is infertility. This is an issue that can cause a lot of frustration and heartache. Amanda and I have undergone various tests and procedures in order to try and conceive a baby. However, nothing that we have tried has proven successful. Therefore, after much thought and prayer we have decided to take on the challenge of becoming foster parents. We hope that this will lead to adoption in the future.

We have taken classes in order to become licensed foster parents in the State of Illinois. I can say that these classes have not been very fun, as a lot of the material is fairly dry. Also, a lot of it is common sense, as Amanda and I were both raised in homes where good parenting was modeled. Despite this I think it has been a good experience, for it has given us insight into various things. For instance, we have been exposed to the types of issues children who are placed into foster care have when they come into a new home.

Having worked as a high school guidance counselor for several years, I am aware of the problems that children can have at home. I have spoken to students whose parents are alcoholics or drug addicts. I have also seen kids who have been abused or neglected. Seeing these things firsthand has made me a little apprehensive at times in taking on the challenge of fostering a child. However, I am also excited about the experiences that are in store for Amanda and I.

Do I think it will be easy? No, in fact, I am sure there will be days where I will feel like throwing my hands up in frustration. Will I ride away on my bike to get away from the situation as my mom once did when my brothers and I were fighting? That is a distinct possibility, but I’ll always come back, as I am not a quitter. Oh, and by the way, if you know my mom, you should ask her about the bicycle story. It is one of my favorite memories to look back on and remind her of on occasion.

Anyway, I am sure once we are through the licensing process things will start to move fairly quickly. However, I know that with God’s help we can make it through the challenges that we will face. I am just hoping our cats don’t go into hiding on a permanent basis.

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